My latest piece is called “The Cloud.”
“You know that heavy feeling you sometimes feel on your shoulders, maybe a pressure on the back your head? The feeling that makes it just a little harder to smile, to break out in laughter? The feeling that you have to work harder to be as happy as everyone else? That is the cloud. Embrace the cloud, bedazzle the hell out of it, and keep going.”
I did this on an 11 x 14 wood panel (thanks dear husband for cutting that for me!). I wanted to be able to use hardware on this piece – so I could have the beads, maybe use some nails, etc. I had so much fun expanding my art in this way. I am going to be using wood panels more often!
Alright, so let’s talk about this cloud. I had felt the cloud for a long time. Like maybe 6-7 years. I think I found out why my cloud was there.
Diet Culture. Seriously, because my cloud is gone.
About 2 months ago I quit weighing myself on a daily basis. Previously, I weighed every. single. damn. day.
I thought I was one of the people that didn’t intertwine my worth with the number I saw. Well guess what? I was fooling myself. Weighing myself and then restricting my intake if I didn’t like what I saw was controlling my life. It was stealing precious moments of happiness from me. It was affecting my mood (just ask my husband), and instead of being in the moment with my son I was preoccupied with thoughts of food/exercise/weight.
Late September, I started reading Intuitive Eating and decided to try ONE DAY of not weighing. And then I decided to not weigh myself the next day either. And the day after that until we get to today. I have not stepped on a scale for 2 months. I’m not going to sugar coat it, it’s been hard. I have been “feeling all the feels” as they say. I have had good days and bad days but mostly good days. I feel free.
I know that diet recovery is a process. I will have days that I feel the urge to get back on the diet train, but in this short amount of time I have learned something that will keep me fighting back against diet culture. Dieting doesn’t align with my values anymore. I can’t be my authentic self and a dieter at the same time.
I have spent a lot of time reading about the body positive movement, HAES (Health at Every Size), and the anti-diet culture movement. I am so wound up about the anti-diet culture movement – I am passionate about it and I feel like I have found a calling. I am going to be starting a series called “Dear Dieter.” It’s a letter from me to dieters, and I’ll be posting them here. I know this is quite a left turn for my blog, but I am fired up and angry as hell. It’s time to do something.
Stay tuned for my first Dear Dieter letter tomorrow!